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Mikey G’s Top 10 Gym Etiquette Pet Peeves

Mikey G’s Top 10 Gym Etiquette Pet Peeves:

10) People who Stare – We all know the sketchball that stares uncomfortably long at individuals while their getting sweaty. Chances are, he’s over 50, wears a sweatband he’s had since he graduated high school back in ’81, he hangs out on whatever machine in the gym has the best view of the entire gym, waits at least 8-10 minutes in between sets so he can get a good, long, extra-sketchy look at you while you’re in the squat rack getting your glute-game up, and basically makes you want to cave his face in with a dumbell. Folks, its one thing to glance, but its an entirely different thing to oogle.

9) Lifting Directly in Front of the Dumbell Rack – This one is simple. Just step back 10 feet you assclown! Such a huge pet peeve of mine.  How are other people supposed to get to the weights that they need when you’re blocking off 8 sets of dumbells with you’re stupid bent over tricep extensions?

8 ) Dont be the Sleezeball Every Girl Hates – this goes along with my #10 pet peeves in a sense that, yes, their will be good looking girls that will attract your attention, and yes, they probably know that they are good looking, so they will dress and may even put make up on in such a way that will get them attention and, yes, that will probably attract men to come talk to them. However, if you do muster up the testicular fortitude to approach her, try to have some class and decency. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen guys go for it, only to completely miss any and all non verbal communication from the female indicating that she’s just not interested.

7) Obnoxiously Loud Grunting – Ok, we get it. You’re lifting something heavy and you want people to know about it….except for the fact that you’re doing dumbell curls with 20s. There should be a rule in every gym that, unless you’re a) squatting/deadlifting/benching, and b) lifting a weight that is twice your body weight, you should not be allowed to grunt so that the person 30 yards away on the treadmill can hear you. I got news for you brotha; I’ve trained 60 year old women that can deadlift their bodyweight for reps, and they sure as hell aint grunting nearly as loud as your candy-ass is. And you’re form still sucks. You smell what I’m cooking?

6) Not Putting Away Weights – This should go without saying, but too many people don’t get it. They either think they are God’s gift to the world and don’t need to pick up after themselves, think that their mom will come by and clean it up for them, or think that, since they are paying to use the equipment, the staff will clean it up for them. And, if you think any of those 3 ring true, then, you guessed it, you’re a dink. You’re not 5 anymore, pick up after yourself so no one gets hurt.  Pet peeves…

5) Hogging/Stealing Equipment – So, I have to admit, when I’m at the gym, I’m not ever doing just one single exercise at any given time, so I am guilty of this. I’m a fan of maximizing my time at the gym, so rather than sitting around in between sets either A) striking up a long winded conversation with someone to give me an excuse to rest more in between sets or B) playing on my phone, I’m doing auxilliary corrective exercises, mobility drills, or switching to another peice of equipment to train a different movement. Therefore, I’m usually occupying, for example, a squat rack and a cable column for 10-15 minutes at a time, although I’m not ALWAYS occupying both during that time frame. However, since that is so, I ALWAYS allow others to work in, because I realize that the gym is a community place, and everyone has the right to the equipment they desire, as long as they are polite and ASK to use it before immediately assuming they can use it. That being said, if you’re using a bench, are sitting on your duff in between sets, its 5:00 pm, and there are no other benches available, you bet your ass I’m going to come up to you to ask to use the bench if I have a set of DB Presses to take care of. And, if you tell me that you’re using it, even though I see you’re playing on your phone or oogling girls between your sets and basically not doing anything, I’m probably going to have to “accidentally” drop my dumbells on your big toe, ya schmuck. Just kidding… partially…

4) Slamming your Weights Down  – Going hand in hand with #7, unless you’re lifting twice your body weight, you better be able to demonstrate control with the weights you’re using so you won’t cause a ruckus. Case in Point: I remember a couple weeks ago when I saw this puny high schooler deadlifting with a plate on each side (135 lbs). First off, his lumbar spine was akin to the McDonald’s golden arches, and second off, he was slamming his weights down after each rep, of course, looking like a jabroni in the process. I got news for you pal: 135 is the equivalent of a toothpick with 2 cotton balls on each end compared to what you should be able to deadlift if you’re slamming weights down that loudly…. and you’re form still sucks.

3) Talking to Someone while they’re Mid-Set – just don’t do it. I think you know why, so don’t be an idiot.

2) Curls in the Squat Rack – Someone please stick a hot needle in my eye to cauterize the bleeding that happens whenever I see this catastrophe occuring in the gym. Most gyms don’t have more than a handful of squat racks, yet they will have miles of mirrors, and plenty of fixed-weight barbells that you can curl. Therefore, in the rare occurrence where someone in a commercial gym setting actually is trying to get their squat on, and there’s some dink in there trying to increase his biceps size by 1/8th of an inch, it makes me want to douse myself in gasoline, set it on fire, then run like a crazy man down a street. Wait, didn’t Richard Pryor already do that? I think his incident came about from an explosive reaction when he dunked a cookie into milk though… 😉

And, finally, the #1 thing that burns me up to the extent of being able to fry an egg on my head…

1) Using you’re Cell Phone – Are you serious? You’re that important that you need to have your phone on you while you work out? Now, don’t get me wrong, if there is an impending emergency, that is one thing. But, by in large, when I see people talking on their phones and the expressions they have on their face when they are talking, there is no impending emergency, they’re yucking it up about the gossip of the day, what they did last weekend, or how their upset that they can’t lose weight….and they wonder why they can’t lose weight….

– Hopefully this won’t be you when you ask that person next to you on the treadmill to kindly get off the phone

So there you have it folks, my top 10 gym etiquette pet peeves. Hope you enjoyed!

have a great one peeps!

MG

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